The Before and After

When I was a much younger version of myself, there was an order to my existence. Life and death made sense to me because science told me the truth about the universe. The one thing I thought I knew was that energy could not be created or destroyed. So the concept of Heaven and Hell were just mythical constructs created by man to rationalize death.

We simply choose to place our loved ones in the Here-After to create the illusion that we might one day see them again. It eased the sorrow we felt at their passing. I understood that and I accepted death as a simple transference of energy from one thing to another.

Death made sense to me because ‘age’ dictated that people had outlived their life span. After all, our bodies are frail things and can only sustain life for a finite amount of time.

Besides, I was young and healthy. Any thoughts of the end were far from my mind. Maybe I would live forever or at least technology would develop to a point where our lifespans would make it seem like forever.

Oh yes, I was happy with my beliefs.

But that was when I was young.

The voices of destiny have started to whisper their harsh words of mortality into my ears. It’s no secret that I am the next to youngest of fifteen children. Now whatever your thoughts on that might be; we can discuss on some future blog. The reason I mention it here is because, much too quickly, my huge family has dwindled from fifteen children to seven.

And now, my body is moving further down that corridor of existence, and I can feel it beginning to break apart. Age is forcing my beliefs to crumble and I find myself spending more and more time (probably too much time) thinking about what the future holds for me.

So, I need to believe that I’ve been wrong all these years. I’m hoping that there’s something more than just the now and that there is some place set aside for me in the after.

17 thoughts on “The Before and After

  1. I have the same feelings, the same thoughts, Jerry. I can’t manage to be positive about any of them however – and all that given my deeply religious, even devout, upbringing all those years ago. Solace to some which I can still envy but not share.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pablo Cuzco

    When I told my daughter, who is also a writer, I was surprised Jack Kerouac, in one of his last books, A Satori in Paris, claimed he was Catholic after the years of voicing Buddhism in his writings, she made it clear: People revert to their original beliefs when they get old. I’m not sure where she got that, but I believe she’s right.

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  3. I always take my time to read your words, for it has much to sift and sieve and come to the bare bones of your writing and thoughts, which I appreciate so much. When I was younger I thought I could never get to as old as I saw some people were, how foolish and silly that was! Of course I would age too. But don’t we all feel invincible when we are young? But losing people who really matter in our lives changes our perspective on death and that’s why your writing here is so profound. We all want to know if the ones who left us are doing ok in a new place or are they just lost. So many questions unanswered. Keep writing Jerry, love the thoughts and the wisdom.

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  4. I’ve just discovered how to get into your blog, Jerry. Not obvious to me at all! I liked this reflective piece, and I understand your preoccupations. Like you, I don’t believe in heaven, or hell for that matter, nor do I believe that there is a god or supreme being conducting operations or simply being out to lunch most of the time. Life is all we have. Live it to the best of your abilities, make other people’s lives as happy as you can, and when you die, you will be remembered by those who loved you. That’s probably all any of us can hope for, and if we get that, we should consider that our life was worthwhile. It’s what we do here and now that matters, not collecting credits for a better harp or a better cloud to sit on in a hypothetical afterlife.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Thing is, I think of my dad who was just as Catholic as the rest of us, but he just didn’t believe in it. He’d look at my mother, kneeling next to him in church and whisper, ‘I wish I could be like that’. But he wasn’t. I don’t see how you can ‘hedge your bets’. You either believe or you don’t. In any case, if the Christian God is as good as they claim, he’ll let you in unless you are a real dyed in the wool evil monster. So why worry?

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  5. It’s makes me happy to see you searching once again for the truth about The Before and After. There most definitely is life after death, in heaven or hell. And there most definitely is a God. The order and beauty in nature speak of a divine Creator. There is no way all this happened by chance, any more than an explosion in my son’s bedroom could make it look pristine and orderly. If you come to accept life after death, and you die and find out you’re wrong, you’ve lost nothing. But if you hold onto the belief that this life is all there is, and you die and find our you’re wrong, you’ve lost everything. I would love to tell you more. If you’re interested, message me.

    Liked by 1 person

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