Good Morning America

Good Morning Americans,

Just a little wake-up call for me this morning. While I was rinsing my mouth with Listerine Total Care Freshmint Anticavity Mouthwash this morning, I caught a glimpse of the back of the bottle. Under the heading ‘Active Ingredients, I saw only one thing listed; Sodium Fluoride w/v fluoride Ion. Not bad I thought, “Pretty simple and straight forward.” Being the country boy that I am, I liked that.

But wait, what’s this? Way down at the bottom of the label was another category…inactive ingredients. What the Hell does that mean? Are they Chemicals just hanging around not doing anything? If they’re inactive, why do we need them? So being the inquisitive person (nosy little bastard) I researched the rest of my morning routine. I tell you, I was as Dumbfounded as the Orange Man at a diplomatic briefing.

An American Routine,

Jump in the shower and spread a little…Sodium Laureth Sulfate, Cocamidopropl Bethane, Sodium Chloride, Dimethconol, Fragrance, Carbomer, Propylene Glycol, Citric acid, Guar Hydroxypropyltrimonium Chloride, Tea-dodecylbenzensulfate, Tetrasodium edta, DMDM Hydanton, PPG-9, Methylchloroisothiazolimone, Methylisothiazolimone, Mica (CI 77019), Titanium Dioxide (CI 77891) Blue 1 (CI 42090)…into your hair and let that rest a bit while I lather up with some nice refreshing…

Sodium Laureth Sulfate, Sodium Chloride, Fragrance, Cocamide MEA, Citric Acid, Propylene Glycol, PPG-9, Tedrasodium EDTA, Methylchloroisothiazolinone, Methylisothiazolinone, Yellow 6 (ci 19140), Red 33 (CI 17200)

Remember to rinse and repeat if necessary.

Jump out of the shower and dry off, then spread some of this on your face…Stearic Acid, Triethanolamine, Isobutane, Laureth-23, Propane, Sodium Lauryl Sulfate, Fragrance, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, BHT and scrape it off with sharp steel blades.

Throw a little Aluminum Ziconium Tetrachlorohydrex GLY, Cyclopentasiloxane, Stearyl Alcohol, PPG-14, Butyl Ether, Hydrogenated Castor Oil, Talc, PEG-8 Destearate, Fragrance, BST on your armpits.

Brush your teeth with some…Potassium nitrate, Sodium Fluoride w/v fluoride ion,

Rinse with a little bit of.. Sodium Fluoride w/v fluoride ion, Sorbitol solution, Alcohol, Poloxamer 407, Sodium Lauryl Sulfate, Eucalyptol, Flavor, Methyl Salicylate, Thymol, Phosphoric Acid, Sucralose, Menthol, Disodium Phosphate, FD&C Red 40, FD&C Blue 1

Don’t forget to put a little…Allantoin, Chloroxylenol, Cetyl Esters, Petrolatum, Isopropyl Palmitate, Carbomer 934, Triethanolamine, Stearyl Alcohol, Ceteareth-20, Lanolin, Methylparaben, Propylparaben, Fragrance on my crusty elbows and calloused hands.

The only thing left is to take my regiment of pills with a good ole glass of pure water…or is it?

25 thoughts on “Good Morning America

  1. Jerry. I’m a chemist. I haven’t lost my sense of humour, but I put it to you: Would you prefer modern cosmetic products, or those from 30 years ago? Most modern products work better, and are less harmful overall than ‘traditional’ products. Now, the labelling is gibberish to you, but meaningful to me – and even more meaningful to a specialist. So, by obliging firms to label accurately, the government is giving the public the opportunity to scrutinise what people sell them. If there’s a real nasty in a product, you can bet that some journo will pick it up and splash it across the front page! Also, if it says ‘Snake oil’, it had better contain snake oil!
    I agree, though, it all looks way over the top! And amusing!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I agree. I know they are there for a reason, but you have to admit that inert gasses and inactive ingredients sounds a little useless. Why not call them…things to make it smell better, things to make it taste better or things that make it not burn your face off.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You have a great way of drawing attention to things we take for granted – without too much scrutiny. Not that such close inspection will make a change in our habits – much too ‘blinded with science’ to want to delve further into such intricacies of daily life.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. YIKES! 😮 Scary! 😮 Ha! and Ack! After we get bathed and “toiletry-ed up” we might be ready for the toxic waste dump! 😮

    Maybe we should be like cucumbers and just soak ourselves in a brine solution for 4 to 6 weeks! 😉 😛

    Ha! I think we’re in a pickle either way! 😀
    HUGS!!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. 😂😂😂- I’ve got tears rolling down my eyes. I sure picked the wrong time to read this ( in church for a christening ). Now I’m whimpering with laughter- trying to keep it all in!
    Oh- did I say I loved it?
    😂😂😂😂😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi Jerry I would not trust the water either! What are we truly being fed and watered with these days? Thank you for wanting to follow my poetry adventures. Like all things Paranormal! UFO’s! Conspiracy theories/Facts! Observing this crazy violent and very dangerous society! Writing is my passion that keeps me sane and alive! Great to meet you. One day at a time for me as none of us known we will see another day! So many warnings of doom about the current one is we are about to be hit by planet X (Nibiru!) on 23/09/2017! Be Safe. #TheFoureyedPoet.

    Liked by 1 person

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