A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other. “Now listen here,” the policeman said, “Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature, I’ll personally do to you” “In that case,” said the boy, “I’ll kiss it’s ass and let it go free.”
A brain walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a pint of beer please.” The bartender takes one look at him and says “Sorry, I can’t serve you.” “Why not,” the brain asks? “Because anyone can see that you’re already out of your head.”
Wee Willie was walking past his parents’ bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act. Before dad can even react, Wee Willie exclaims “Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?” Well Daddy, being a little relieved that Willie’s not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Willie hops on and Daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon Mommy starts moaning and gasping. Willie cries out “Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the delivery guy usually get bucked off!”
My parents used to tell me that someday I’d wish to be a child again. I thought they were a bit senile. Who would want to live a life with no TV, cell phone or Facebook again? Who wants to fish in clean water, breathe unpolluted air, or play in the middle of the street without harm? Who needs to sleep through a quiet night and wake up refreshed? Who needs simplicity, friends …family? Why would I want to hug my father and mother or tell my brothers and sisters I love them? “Not me,” said the ignorance of youth.