From a distance, you couldn’t tell the difference between John and Anthony. Just two boys standing on the street corner outside their school. They talked about sports, girls and fishing. They were laughing and joking while they waited for their parents. They shared each other’s phone numbers and said they’d get together. Soon their rides arrived and John got into a red Ford F150 while Anthony hopped into the backseat of a blue Prius. When they reached the stoplight, the red truck took a right turn and the blue car turned left. The boys never spoke to each other again
Ladies and gentlemen
Hobos and Tramps
Cross eyed mosquitoes
And bow legged ants
I stand today, before you
To sit down beside you
To talk about something
I know nothing about
Admission is free
So kindly pay at the door
Pull up a chair
And have a seat on the floor
Yes my fellow Americans, it is time for me to take control and announce my bid for the presidency of The United States of America. I will be running on the Green Stamps platform and I can promise you big changes. The biggest changes that you have ever seen and they will be something spectacular to watch. I will make America the greenest and greatest. I will float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. I will be the greatest leader, humanitarian, Prophet, speller of words, and all around super hero the world…nay… the universe has ever seen.
I will build a wall all the way around America. It will be the greatest wall the world has ever seen. It will make that thing in China look like a child’s Lego wall. My wall will have gates made of gold and the roads will be made of yellow brick. Unlike when China asked the Mongolians to pay for their wall, I will shoot glitter out my ass and it will turn to money. It will be more than enough to pay for my wall.
I have already cured cancer, diabetes, heart disease and erectile dysfunction and sometime after I am elected, I will tell everyone about it. It will be the most glorious thing mankind has ever seen.
I will create so many jobs. I will create more jobs than anyone has ever created. I will create jobs that create themselves into other jobs. Corporations will be begging you to work for them. How will I do it? The answer is so simple I can’t believe no one has done it before. But I guess they did not have the IQ that I have. I have the greatest IQ that the world has ever seen. My IQ is so high that the highest IQ can’t even see me. I will pass a law that in order to qualify for employment you will have to buy it with a book of Green Stamps.
I will stop all violent crime. If you try to commit one of these acts, my Space Force will blast you with one of their lasers. No questions asked…bip, boom, bang…done. Voila, no more rape, murder or robbery. I will pass a law that says it is now legal to commit any non-violent crimes as long as you can pay the required number of Green Stamp books for said act. If you try to commit any of these crimes without paying your dues, well…bip, boom, bang on you. See that joke I made there. Man I tell you, I am the greatest joke teller the world has ever seen. I can tell a joke better than any joke has ever been told. I can tell a joke so well that when people on the street pass me, they say to each other, “What a joker he is.” That’s how good I am.
I will replace ‘Obamacare’ with ‘Jerry Cares More’ health coverage. Each doctor’s visit will cost you one book of Green Stamps. Surgery will cost two books, etc. This makes my healthcare plan free because you actually paid for the stamps and not the healthcare. We all know that getting free stuff from someone else’s hard work is the American dream.
I will solve our immigration problem by opening our borders to anyone who wants to pass through my glorious Golden gates and walk down my yellow brick pathway. The price of admission will be 10 books of Green Stamps.
I will solve gun control issue by getting rid of the word control. I will sell a weapon to any Tom, Dick or Harry. That way we know they won’t be Muslim or Mexican because they are all called Mohammad or Jesus. Problem solved. Only a great, and brilliant mind like mine could come up with such a simple solution. That is why the press keeps calling me a simpleton. The cost per gun will be…one book of Green Stamps.
I will abolish Social Security and replace it with ‘Jerry Loves Old People’. I would tell you all about how this Green Deal works but I don’t want to bore you with details. Just trust me…and you know you can trust me because I said you can…It will be the greatest thing the world has ever known. It will not only make America the greatest country in the universe, but you, my white, rural, blue collar worker friends will become rich beyond your wildest dreams.
Remember our slogan my dear friends. If your white, your right. If you’re black go back. If you’re brown, get out of town.
So don’t forget to send me all your money now because after I’m elected you won’t need it anymore.
Paid for by the “If you don’t believe me then why in the hell would you believe Donald Trump” committee.
Ladies and gentlemen, it will be interesting to see what excuses we can come up with to cover up the fact that our current president has openly proclaimed he is a racist and a sexist. In another one of his twitter rants, he told 4 members of congress that they should “go back” to the countries they came from(3 of the 4 were born in America). I ask you, when will it be enough? Are we a nation so overcome by hatred and deceit that we’re willing to overlook the fact that “Make America Great Again” really means “Make America White Again”?
Now that Trump has begun his roundup of undocumented people, is he now setting his sights for anyone of color who defies him? When the man that is supposed to be the leader of all its citizens chooses to only represent a few then yes, friends and family, this man has now revealed to the world his true nature and ‘White Supremacy’ is its name.
“Donald J. TrumpVerified account @realDonaldTrump FollowingFollowing @realDonaldTrump When will the Radical Left Congresswomen apologize to our Country, the people of Israel and even to the Office of the President, for the foul language they have used, and the terrible things they have said. So many people are angry at them & their horrible & disgusting actions!”
I am not condoning the actions of these four congresswomen and I agree that these women are a bunch of radical loony tunes that probably would not be content no matter the circumstance. But they were elected by their peers to represent them in congress. Theirs is the voice of the constituents the serve. If not, it is up to those voices to condemn them or have them removed.
Radicals…isn’t that what the world once thought about another group and their opinions in the 1770’s?
Am I comparing these women to the likes of George Washington, Alexander Hamilton, Benjamin Franklin, John Adams, Samuel Adams, Thomas Jefferson or James Madison…no? But I am comparing their rights to free speech as citizens of the United States of America to what many brave men risked their very lives to win for us.
It is not up to the president to censure anyone’s opinion, no matter how loudly or vulgar it is presented. For anyone who can still stand and give excuses for his behavior, well… there is a word for that too.
tigers were walking through the jungle. Suddenly, the one in the back reached
out with his tongue and licked the ass of the tiger in front of him. The
startled front tiger turned and said, “Cut it out.” The rear tiger
apologized, and they continued onward.
About five minutes later, it happened again. The front tiger turned, growling, “I said stop it.” The rear tiger again apologized, and they continued.
Another five minutes passed, and again the front tiger felt the unwanted tongue. The front tiger turned, giving the rear tiger a ferocious glare, angrily hissing, “What is it with you?”
The rear tiger replied, “I’m sorry — I really didn’t mean to offend you. But I just ate a politician and I’m trying to get the taste out of my mouth!”
Here in the last week, seems like I’ve heard President Trump bandy about (a fancy way of saying the way a rooster sticks out his chest and struts around the yard like he’s the king) as to how he’s just going to issue an executive order for things people won’t say it’s ok for him to do.
So I took to the Google and asked it what was up with these executive orders. Lo and howdy, they was nearly 5 pages of gobbledeegoop explainin all about it and still didn’t really tell me diddly squat. Aint no wonder all them politicians can’t get anything done. Congress is like the Tower of Babel that’s in the Good Book. Nobody can understand what anyone is saying.
So in a nutshell, here’s the way I see it. A law has to go through some fancy rigamarow where a ton of lawyers write it all down using this fancy language designed for nobody to understand. That’s why they can never get anything done properly. Seems like ole ‘Dick the Butcher’ might have been right to begin with. But if’n the president can’t wait for all that heehawing around then he can just say something is going to happen and snip snap, it’s done. Unless he don’t violate any other laws that has already been said.
To make a long story short, it seems like Trump is going to do a lot of executive ordering about. So once again I asked the Google and I found some surprising stuff. It appears that Trump has issued 114 executive orders so far. Whee doggies that sounds like a lot. But the Google tells me that it ain’t so. Seems Obama had 276 and Bill Clinton had 364. But to top them all off, the Great Franklin D Roosevelt did it 3728 time and our beloved ‘Give’um hell Harry 907 times.
Thing is, them other presidents said things that congress agreed with but did’t have time to do themselves. Like when we was smack dab in the middle of the Great War.
Nowadays, when Trump say he’s gonna to do it, it’s after Congress has already told him no. So they’s always some kind of big fight about it.
Till next time friends…