The difference between a man and a woman

What every woman longs to hear…
I love you!
You’re right!
I appreciate what you’re doing!
I respect what you’re saying!

What any man wants to hear…
I’m not looking for a commitment!
It’s Payday!
It’s Friday!
The first round is on the house!

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Real Life Friday – What all the boys thought about…

I lift my glass to those ‘good ole days’  when there wasn’t much to do but drive the gravel backroads, smoke cigarettes, and drink just about anything we could get our hands on. How we managed to survive it all is still a mystery to me.

When I was a kid hanging around the only grocery store in town, drinking Yoo-hoo and stuffing my cheeks with Bazooka Joe gum a surprising change started taking place. All of a sudden, it seemed like everywhere I looked there were girls. I mean, sure they were there before but they were just annoying little brats whose sole purpose in life was to cause trouble.  I wasn’t sure what happened and honestly I didn’t care. All I knew was those little brats had been transformed into females.  I can tell you that the only good thing about a hot ass, dust filled summer in the arm pit of the universe called Wakenda, Missouri was…the hotter the sun, the fewer clothes those females wore. A pair of short blue jean cutoffs and a halter top could start the blood pumping and I’m going to say, that to a 13 year old’s imagination, there were times when maybe that wasn’t necessarily a good thing.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean to say that all we could think about all day and night was sex. I mean, sometimes we had to eat. But it did seem that we had an awful lot of different names for something none of us knew a hell of a lot about. Boff, boink, bump, diddle, dip your wick, doing it, doing the nasty, getting down and dirty, getting laid, got lucky, going all the way, rounding the bases, home run, touchdown, hide the sausage and squeaky-squeaky. Man, we became experts on the subject. But I suppose that’s what happens when you’re stuck in a town with the population about the size of a football team.

Aunt Sadie’s Ponderings – A Word to the Wise…

Now ya’ll bare with me for a bit while I get serious about something. I don’t know how much your mommas has told you bout the birds and the bees and it aint none of my business. But I’ve been seeing way too much on the Google, the You Tube, the Facebook and such. Where all them girls prance around in front of everybody in nothing but their underwear. A doing something called the Twerk or what have ya.

Now, I aint no prude or anything like that there, cause I was young once myself. My Momma told us that dancing meant your hand on his shoulder and his just above your waist. Well I can tell you that Momma never heard of the twist or boogie woogie.

But even I gotta say that there comes a time when things goes a little too far. I know what yer fixen to say, “It’s my body and I can walk around in my underwear and pretending to have sex while singing any cuss words I want and no person should be having lewd thoughts.”

Well girlies, I’m here to tell you that that’s a bunch of horse shit on your morning toast. In real life, if’n you show everybody that you’re a bad girl then you’re going to be treated like a bad girl. If a guy was to walk around with his wooty hoos all a hangin out, they’d more n likely be arrested. Or molested. Let me tell you ladies, that what’s good for the goose should also be good for the gander.

Anyway, to make another long story short, you know what they say. Beauty is skin deep but bad runs clear down to the bone. And once you get a way of thinking stuck in a person’s head about you being a bad girl, aint no amount of persuading is going to change people’s minds.

Til next time friends…

100 Word Wednesday – Sally Jo…

She was a drab forty something in fuzzy pink house slippers and tights that made her ass look like the surface of the moon. A big flesh colored moon showing all the ridges, mountains and craters. Her thin tie-dyed t-shirt was a size too small and revealed the dark nipples hiding beneath it. She lit a joint and coughed the smoke into the space that separated her from the world. A woman stuck in the 1960’s while life moved on without her.

But Phillip will forever tell the story of how, at 17, a beautiful Greek goddess brought him manhood.

100 Word Wednesday – Midnight on the Lake

The radios are silent. The only music left are the sounds of frogs and the wind. The bonfires have all burned to black ashes. Smoldering bar-b-que grills fill the air with the smell of burned hot dogs. The beach is littered with wet towels, blankets and empty beer cans. I feel so alone.

Across the beach the waning moon of August silhouettes your body as you remove your swim suit and walk into the water. You turn to face me and a reflection of light surrounds you. I go to you and our naked souls touch. I have been found.